Presumably testosterone alone doesn't cause the mood swings that estrogen seems to inspire, so maybe we're looking at some type of multiple personality issue. In no way do I mean to make light of mental illness. On the contrary, my depression and I became quite close over the years. But I am at a loss to explain things otherwise.
Yesterday, Hubby was, well, a poop. I know that he's stressed at work, and hey, being a single parent is no fun, but still, he was a poop. In fact, he's often a poop. Having some distance (well, about a three minute drive's worth of distance), I'm beginning to see that he can be a poop a lot. This is a problem. He's been reciting the litany of my faults for some time - and many of those are legitimate gripes - but it's becoming more and more clear to me that he's a poop. He takes his stress out on others, primarily me, by being short and terse and downright unpleasant. This was last night. We had minimal interaction but what there was was indeed downright unpleasant. Tonight, I was in a foul mood upon arriving at the house (the cause is another story altogether) but he seemed sincerely concerned that something was bothering me and he wanted to help. This is why I think I may have married Sybil. He's either sweet and concerned, or he's a poop. One or the other. And I never know which one to expect. It's exhausting.
When we were still seeing the couples therapist (before realizing that those sessions were a waste of time and often a step backwards), she had asked us to think about what we each wanted from the other. My thoughts on this topic were all fairly vague and tended to be more about me and how he made me feel. Now, I think I can start making that concrete list. Item number 1: stop being a poop. Item number 2: lose the poop personality and stick with the sweet one. Item number 3: stop making me use the word poop. I know I started using it in place of other preferable words because of the Little Kids, but still, stop making me use the word poop. It makes me feel ridiculous. So, item number 4: stop making me feel ridiculous.
Now, off to pick up some trashy romance novels. The guys there may act like poops but then they realize it and make up for it. Maybe those books should be required reading for men. Or boys. No need for the poopness to develop fully before teaching them to get their acts together.
My dad once said, and since you use "poop" I'll speak in code, too, "I was a functioning a$$h0le for most of your formative years." Many men deal with stress by bullying (let's call it what it is...) their partners until they feel equally bad. You have NO IDEA how proud I am to see you make this epiphany about Sybil's attitude. You, my love, are evolving. If Sybil would take his head out of his a$$, maybe he'll have time to catch-up.
ReplyDeleteAh, glad the distance is giving you an insightful perspective. I hope all the poop (and let's not forget piss) is gone soon. Love you.
ReplyDelete