No, I don't mean other people as in dating them. My problem is other people finding out. It's not like it's a secret but it certainly can be awkward -- both in face-to-face interactions and in simply filling out papers. Tonight I took Big Little Kid to her first Girl Scout meeting. I was (and am) so excited. She didn't follow me in love of dance class but I'm hoping she enjoys this. Her best friend's mom is one of the troop leaders and, for a number of reasons (not the least of which being I'm sure the Little Kids would spill the beans anyway), we had to tell her what was going on. Well, not we per se, more like the Hubby. She was sweet as always so that was really only a problem in terms of my nerves, but when it came time to fill out paperwork, that was upsetting. To be separated, you have to live under different roofs. And obviously we are. But damn if having to put that new address in writing doesn't stab me in the heart nearly every time. Ugh.
Gradually, we are going to (and have to) tell people. While tonight's face-to-face interaction turned out okay, I met with a friend the other day and I wanted to just sink into the ground. Or sink her into the ground. Yes, I need help and support but it's such a delicate balance between that and pitying and smothering. Again, I say, ugh. I have to make such an effort to assure those folks that I'm fine, everything's okay, silver lining, yadda, yadda, yadda. I suppose if I do it enough, I might convince myself of it, but it is exhausting and usually more than I feel like dealing with. Yep, one more time ... ugh.
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